Another impromtu manterview. This time between Hannah and her husband, Eric.
Hannah: Do you like to cook?
Eric: Yes. Especially if it’s foods that are delicious to my tastebuds, but I don’t like to cook when it’s just for me because then I’d rather just eat something to not be hungry anymore. But, I like to cook foods as a way of showing that I care for people. And also, a little bit of my ego wants them to be impressed by my girthy culinary skills.
H: What about cooking do you like?
E: Who says I like cooking?
H: Um, you do.
E: I like tinkering and trying to add different spices. Because at this point, my culinary skills are just about spicing things. But, if I were better at cooking, I would be more interested in blending textures and contrasting flavors. Spices are like the kindergarten of cooking because all you gotta do is add more spices. There’s not much refined technique you have to learn to open up a spice jar and dump it in. Some people might be offended by that if they think they’re Master Spicers…
H: What about cooking do you hate?
E: What? Who said I hate cooking? Hate is a really strong four letter word.
H: Okay, just answer the question.
E: Oh man, the cleaning up. That’s the worst. It sucks.
H: But, if you cook, I clean.
E: Yeah, but the fact that you have to clean bums me out. On cooking shows, all they do is cook. They don’t cook and clean. I also hate overcooking things. I’d rather undercook chicken and give everyone salmonella instead of serving everyone a chicken brick.
H: What is your favorite thing that I make?
E: Mmmmm….wow….oh, your garlic beets, chicken pot pie – oh yeah, that’s awesome, but you use too many vegetables. I think you put in at least four types of vegetables and you’re only supposed to use two or three types.
H: How do you feel about vegetables?
E: Oh man, well, if they're so delicious, like out of the garden, then I could eat them just by themselves, maybe with a little salt, BUT! If they are in a dish, just for the sake of being there so you can say you had vegetables, then I'm totally against them.
H: What is your favorite thing to make?
E: Spaghetti sauce because I like chopping and if you wanna be a Master Spicer, you can go crazy in a spaghetti sauce.
H: Do you think women belong in the kitchen?
E: Yeah! What kind of question is that? That’s so ridiculous.
H: But you share the kitchen with me.
E: That’s true. Cuz it’s fun! Especially if I can tell you what to do. I say, “Chop that!” “Add some more spices!”
H: Do you think I can handle the grill?
E: No! (bursts out laughing) That is so funny! You don’t like to touch raw meat! And also, I just picture you with like, three foot tongs, going like this (holds his arm over his face and eyes, looking scared and squinting). And you would totally overcook the chicken.
H: Thanks, I’m glad you have so much faith in me. Will you make me a margarita?
E: Of course, if I knew how to make one. I think it involves tequila.