Thursday, August 19, 2010

Oatmeal Cookies That Get Your Manly Hands Dirty

This is an age-old family recipe that I am about to share with you, so get excited. Before I share it with you I want to remind you that we are giving away one of our super awesome aprons. As soon as we get 400 fans on facebook (25 more to go!) we are going to select a random facebook fan commenter and they are going to take home an original canvas The Bitch Stopped Cooking Apron. Visit our facebook page and become a fan and leave a comment today!

Are you done?

I'll wait.

Okay. The recipe.

Just kidding about the age-old family recipe thing. I invented it tonight with ingredients I had in my cupboard. It's a night-old recipe.

Here's what I used:

1 cup butter
1 cup raw turbinado sugar (regular sugar would be fine)
1 cup light brown sugar
2 large eggs
2 tbsp water (I might substitute milk next time)
2 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups whole wheat flour (regular flour would be fine)
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp kosher salt (regular salt would be fine. I like using kosher salt because I like the sweet/salty experience and I feel that kosher salt stays a little crunchy.)
2 1/2 cups oats
a bag o' chocolate chips (12oz/2 cups)

Feel free to use matching sticks of butter.
This is just what I had on hand.
Also feel free to not buy ghetto baking soda.

Here's what to do:

Get a big blue bowl. Fine, get any color big bowl. Cream together the butter and the two kinds of sugars together. As you may have read from our Baking for Sophie post, Hannah and I (Maria. Julia is too busy on a bison hunting safari in the wild hills of Montidaho to make oatmeal cookies) learned that the only thing you can do wrong when creaming butter and sugar is to not do it long enough. OR you can fail to lock in the bowl and the mixer head and explode 3 cups of sugar all over your parents' kitchen. Anyways, cream the sugarbutter.

now picture me gradually cracking two eggs into the creamed sugarbutter.
it was ugly.
from a weird angle.
and you could see my batting cages blisters.
picture beautiful hands cracking beautiful eggs.

add the vanilla extract.
try not to huff the fumes from the entire bottle.

add the water.
you could also use milk.
if you're one of those weird families that keeps milk in their fridge that is not 36 days past its expiration date.

In another blue bowl, stir together the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt.

Add this dry mixture to the other big blue bowl where you have the sugar and butter creamed with the eggs and vanilla.
Beat it until it is just mixed together.
Senseless is not the desired outcome of this beating.

Go preheat the oven.
Also get a baking sheet and grease it if you want.
Now tell Mother Nature you love her and boast about how proud she should be of you for not wasting energy by preheating the oven when you started the recipe.

Next you are going to add the chips and the oats separately and deliberately.

Stir in the oats and chocolate chips by hand.Yup, by hand.

Like this.
Make manly dinosaur noises while you do it.

Now put balls of the mixture on the cookie sheet. I made mine about the size of golf balls that dinosaurs stepped on and put them about an inch apart. Or two inches. I don't know. They'll be fine.

Cook them for 10-13 minutes. When you take them out, hang on a hot second so you can slide them off without them falling apart. In this case, a hot second equals one to two minutes. When you slide them off, put them on a wire cooling rack.

You have a wire cooling rack, right?


  1. You are such a tease! I thought I was getting grandma's prize winning cookie recipe! These look like they could be the next "grandma's recipe" though. They look delicious! I never turn down a good cookie. Congrats again on closing in on 400!

  2. LOL - this was just great! Love your humor and especially the pics.

    Georgia Peach

  3. Cute post,love oatmeal cookies, they're my favorite.Great site you have here.
    I will be following you here and in facebook as well.
    Thank you for visiting my site, you have a great weekend. I'll see you on your next post.


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